Government to Deregulate Physics

Responding to the announcement that physics working at CERN have discovered a new sub-atomic particle, yesterday David Cameron has announced the government's intention to deregulate Physics. "The Conservatives feel there are too many Laws, and that Physics is being held back by this regulatory burden. The Conservatives feel that the 2nd Law of Thermodynamics promotes wasteful spending of energy by systems and we will repeal it in the next Budget."

Asked about the other Laws of Thermodynamics, Cameron replied, "This government does not believe that any system should be allowed to get something for nothing, so we're in favour of the 1st law. We do have a committee looking into the 3rd law."

On Newton's Laws of Motion Mr Cameron said "We don't think this is an appropriate regulatory frame work and would prefer that the market be allowed to determine how objects move."

"The Large Hadron Collider was a very expensive project imposed on the UK by the European Union, and we feel that if the regulatory framework had been less complex that the search for the so-called God particle would be been less costly overall. Clearly under the last Labour government the Higgs Boson was not discovered and they should be ashamed of themselves."